Adventures in the ATL

I spent three great days in the company of Coley and Tamarah and was privy to their warmth and hospitality.  Below is a picture of me with their daughter Chloe (Chloe Bear).

 So Atlanta was an absolute blast and I definitely experienced some things which I had never seen or undergone ever before.  The first day there Tamarah treated me to a wonderful massage at a local day spa which was absolutely heavenly.  After riding through the Sahara like heat of Florida, it was a very welcomed and refreshing relief.  Now the entire night before and during the day, both Tamrah and Coley had hinted that Coley had a great place to take me that evening.  He did not say what it was nor did either one of them give me a clue as to what I was in store for.

The “Surprise”:

That evening Coley and I proceeded to head out to Georgia Tech where he took me to one of the cities greatest landmarks, the Varsity.  It is a the “world’s largest drive-in” hot dog joint and the dogs were great and the milk shake was so heavy and thick that I could not shove the straw into it.  I had to let it melt a bit before I could finally get a taste of it.  Coley and I joked that in about three days it would melt enough that it would be perfect.

With dinner out of the way we proceeded to one of Atlanta’s truly great landmarks that is an experience all onto its own, The Clermont Lounge.  Allow me to paint the scene for you.  Imagine if you will one of those old Alfred Hitchcock movies where that creepy looking hotel stands.  You know the hotel that I am talking about, the dilapidated hotel with the marquee that has the “H” and the “T” burnt out in neon lights so that the only thing that it reads is “_O_EL” flickering erratically with no discernable pattern.  Well this building is the Clermont Hotel, and trust me when I say that I am using the word hotel here very, VERY loosely.  The daily and weekly rates were eloquently painted on a wooden sign above the front door.  We walked in and Coley informed me that the “lounge”, another loosely used word in this post, was in the basement. 

Now the lobby of the hotel was ok, in fact with the right type of sunglasses on, one would even say that it was a clean and contemporary establishment, until you looked at the front desk clerk who was neatly tucked away behind the steel reinforced cage called the cashier’s window.  She kindly informed us that the lounge, while in the basement, was not accessible thorught the hotel elevator, of course, and instead we needed to go around the side where there was a staircase that led to the lounge.

The “Stairs”

So there we are standing atop the staircase, but before I continue with the description, let me give a little backstory on the Clermont lounge.  The lounge was established in 1965 and is “Atlanta’s oldest strip bar!”  This will become important later on, but for now back to the staircase at hand.  As stated previously, there we are atop the staircase, the rickety wooden staircase that had not been painted, reinforced, or altered since 1965.  Think of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and the rickety bridge that they are crossing at the end and this is where we were, staring down into an abyss of total pitch blackness.  At this point I turned to Coley and said, “You know I have seen a lot of horror movies that start out exactly like this, in fact I believe that if there were vampires they live at the bottom of these stairs!”  It was so bad that if we would have been on a big screen there would have been some guy in the movie theater screaming out…DON’t GO IN THERE!!!  Followed by an, “Oh no they didn’t!”  But like the token hispanic and black guy that have to die in each horror flick we dutifully proceeded down the rickety, worn out stairs into the the Clermont Lounge foyer where we were greeted by the “Bouncer”.

The Bouncer

At the bottom of the stairs we run into the bouncer that is asking for ID’s.  Now if you have not noticed, I am going to great lengths to discuss in detail all of these sights because everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, was an absolute experience into WTF!!!  Our bouncer reminded me of a T-Rex dinosaur, not because of his massive size or overly enlarged mandible, as he stood shorter than both me and Coley which means he was under 5’6″, but rather he reminded me of this creature because his stomach stuck out so much and his arms were so short that he could not fold his hands across his chest if his life depended on it!…now please keep this imagine in mind as it will make the description of the “dancers” later a lot easier.

The Lounge

Upon entering this historical landmark, we immediately increased the overall attendance by 100%, for those of you keeping score at home that means that there were now 4 patrons at the bar.  Now the ambiance was a cross between Bordelo of Blood and The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.  In the dimly lit lounge there was a pervasive hanging cloud of smoke, and thank goodness for that smoke because it covered up the fading velour of the velvet wallpapered walls masterfully, for mood lighting the interior decorator had taken rope lighting, red of course, and wrapped it all along the roof. and for the last touch the DJ at the lounge was nothing less than a 1965 Jukebox!! Tre Fancy!

The Dancers

Ah and then the show began, as stated earlier this is the oldest Strip Bar in Atlanta, “Alive since 65” and not only are the facilities pretty ancient but the dancers have also been there since 1965! That’s right if you ever wondered, “What happens to old exotic dancers?” or “What life is there for an older dancer?” Well fret not, the Clermont Lounge takes them all in and lets them shake their money makers…or at least that is what I think they were attempting to shake.  The two “ladies” performing this night were experienced, the first one reminded me a lot of the bouncer outside as the body part that jiggled the most was indeed her stomach and the other entertainer reminded me of granny from the Beverly Hill Billies.  Now I can honestly say that I had no idea what I was in store for when I agreed to go on this jaunt through the town, however, now that I was this far in, it had become an anthroplogical study.  The ladies strutted their stuff while a jukebox played their song, between songs, while the jukebox loaded up the next record, perhaps it was a CD, they just stood there waiting for the next song to come on…it was like staring at the sun during a solar eclipse, you know that you are not supposed to but you can’t help yourself you have to at least take a glimpse.  The looks of horror that Coley and I had were priceless and after a while all we could do was laugh.  Fortunately by nine a few other patrons had sauntered in and the 12 members of the audience all seemed to be having a good time.  All in all it was a once in a lifetime expreience, let me emphasize that once in a lifetime part, as I am now good for at least a few more decades, who knows by the time I am 70 those dancers just might look cute, and I now completely understand why it has been rated for the last 10 years one of Atlanta’s top 10 “must sees” and unique experiences because as granny told me after her set, “Honey, you just can’t get this stuff anywhere else!”  To which I say, THANK GOD!!!

~ by coachcrew on June 25, 2008.